The bully called "Anxiety"

We often talk about an inner critic or negative self talk as the cognitive companion of anxiety. Our inner dialogue is basically our conscious thought influenced by unconscious belief systems that are developed through our past experiences. As humans, we love patterns. It helps us make sense of things. So if I'm told that I write well. And I repeatedly find evidence of this in different situations, this thought will be reinforced to develop into a belief system that is labeled "I write well". So now if I'm presented with an opportunity to showcase this talent at work, my inner voice will evaluate the situation, access said belief system and encourage me to take that opportunity.

Whilst this process is truly crucial since it helps us process and evaluate everyday situations, maladaptive belief systems, when formed, start to misconstrue and direct our inner dialogue to harmful directions. One such common maladaptive belief system follows the theme of "you're not good enough" or "you're not worthy."

In the current scenario, competition is becoming crucial to success; which is almost synonymous to survival. Because of this, what mom said about looking and learning from other people's good traits, became they are better. Since survival (read: success) is our mind's primary job and anxiety is a by product of feeling threat (read: not thriving), not doing well enough becomes a frequently visited theme in our inner dialogue. As I mentioned earlier, we like patterns. When this is a thought that keeps cropping up in our mind, we start to forget why...and start to just retain the feeling of not being enough. This maladaptive thought starts to get stronger and louder...shutting out other voices of reason. This negative self talk often stops us from doing things that we can. It bullies us into feeling terrible about ourselves. It makes us feel small. Incapable.

"I can't do this task. It's too difficult. Maybe she is a better person for it."

"Why?"

"No, I don't think ...it's too much responsibility...no I won't be able to."

"Isn't this similar to that thing you did?"

*Blank look*

"That previous task shows you have the skills for this, right?"

"I guess so...wait..can I do this?"

Can you relate? Do you sometimes find yourself saying no without truly reflecting? Journaling helps. It translates this abstract voice into something concrete on paper. It'll help you question this bully.